It’s like I don’t care abou the future anymore. I still don’t know what i want to do in life… Well, I do. I just have a lot of self doubt. I want to do research. Medical to be more exact. Do graduate work in virology and maybe get a Ph D in genetics. I’m really torn though. I want to focus on viruses more than anything. Maybe we could finally cure them or, really, stop their life cycle. Find a way to enable our bodies to recognize them as foreign agents. I don’t know if I want to major in chemistry or biology. You learn more about them in biology but you can find ways to combat them with chemistry. I’m really torn. When my cousin, 3 years ago, said she wanted to major in biology, we all laughed at her. We said “what will you do with a biology degree?” We were right. To find very good employment, you have to have a master’s. You can find jobs with biology with just an undergrad but they are fewer and in between. Many resort to teaching. To be honest, I don’t want to be in school forever. And i don’t want to teach high school students.
Also, if you do a science undergrad, most people expect you to be prepping for med or pharm school. I don’t really want to do either. I just want to be left alone with my organisms, be it in a lab or in the wild. I guess i hate interating with humans lol. When i do labs, I forget about all the shit that’s going on in my life. It feels great, you know? I get to focus on other things and find them interesting. I know this girl who is doing anthropology. SHe has no fears about her financial future. None whatsoever. I wish I was more like that. But being the child of 2 immigrants, you just can’t forget that they left their countries so they could have more financial security and better lives. I feel as though I am spitting in their faces by even thinking about getting a Bachelor’s in Biology.
I really don’t know what to do. I keep waiting on a sign from God. Maybe He will point me in the right direction. I don’t know…
